I hope you can sense that the initial sense of frustration was easily replaced by excitement in the urgent tone I tried to convey with a big ol’ run-on poem. I used to have a love-hate relationship with antidepressants but now it’s just love-dislike–they really do good in my life (and the lives of those around me, haha). I wanted to see if increasing my dose would calm the anxiety a little more (my depression has been gone since starting them again) but almost immediately it made me want to sleep day and night, no matter when I took it, and I was getting depressed because I was too sleepy to do anything! Oh, the irony. I didn’t want to write, I wasn’t riding well, and my memory got even worse. So at the time I posted this on Instagram I was only on day 2 of weaning to my original dose and I really hope this “awakening” stays with me (the intended effect can take weeks to settle in but the side effects can happen immediately). Meds are the right decision for me although they can put me through the ringer–so you know if I’m willing to endure it all I really do think they’re worth it…even if some asshole at a party tries to shame me otherwise.

–the violet zoo